The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream. Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. I’d rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort. The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.Ī committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?Īlways borrow money from a pessimist. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.Ĭleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard. Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.Ī two-year-old is kind of like a blender, but you don’t have any top for it.I just want my stomach to be as flat as my ass.If you’re hotter than me, then that means I’m cooler than you.My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.Īge is an issue of mind over matter. The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. Naked people have little or no influence on society. You’re only as good as your last haircut.Ĭlothes make the man. I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. Zsa Zsa Gabor Health & Beauty short funny quotesīe careful about reading health books. ![]() ![]() The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.īehind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.Ī man in love is incomplete until he has married. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience. When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. Here’s to our wives and girlfriends…may they never meet! Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract. Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.Ī man in love is like a clipped coupon – it’s time to cash in. Short funny quotes – relationship sayings If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?Ĭheck out more short love quotes. I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something. My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. Love is blind friendship tries not to notice. Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing. When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life. Short Funny Quotes About Love, Life, & Workĭorothy Parker once stated, “Wit has truth in it wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.” In that spirit, we present the following quotations to exercise your mind and put a smile on your face. ![]() Use these short funny quotes to spice up a presentation, add punch to a social media post or just get a chuckle out of your friends! Topics cover everything from everyday life to relationships and achievement-expressed in as few words as possible.
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